Off my Meds

My anxiety medication ran out. I have to order it from mail order as dictated by my insurance company, so getting the refill took time. It finally came today, but I know from experience it will be at least a week of taking the medication before I start to feel better. Part of the problem with getting it was the cost. After insurance, the medication is still $90. I was trying to wait to order it so I wouldn't have to use credit to get it. That wasn't the brightest idea I ever had, since I have been through this enough to know how I feel without the medication. Without medication, I go from not being able to get ahold of one of my children and having to leave a voice mail, to being convinced something terrible has happened and they are in the hospital within an hour. Medicated, they have at least double that before I get whacked out with worry. Without medication, I have trouble sleeping. A lot of trouble sleeping. Sometimes I sit up all night just to have to fight to stay awake the next day. Tonight, I came upstairs right after work to go to bed and get some rest. It is midnight, and here I am, sleepless and wasting time. Without medication, I become convinced that the people I love don't love me over the slightest of things. Without medication, I am totally self involved, annoying, clingy and fearful. Without medication, I am an open wound. Without medication, I think I probably even get on St. Peter's nerves. Fortunately, no matter how bad things get, I can still laugh at myself for being so crazy and my family is awesome in how they try to help me through it. My daughter, after reading my warning email that I was without medication, wrote back she was grabbing a hard hat and heading to a bomb shelter. My daughter in law thanked me for the heads up and told me she and my son loved me, and my son-in-law responded "Yay for the Crazy", then went on to tell me good luck and expressed sympathy. My Mom offered me some of her anxiety medication, and my husband listens to me vent and cry and never, ever, seems bored or irritated. I don't know why I am so blessed, but I praise God for it. My prescription helps keep me functional, but the very best medicine in my life is love and laughter.