Bedtime

Dean and I have enjoyed many blessings over the last 20 months due to the proximity of our children and their willingness to share their children with us. There are the obvious joys of being a grandparent to 2 spectacularly wonderful babies. There are some unexpected blessings as well. One of these is in seeing each other with new eyes. I have so enjoyed seeing my husband in the role of Pawpaw, and last night was again a sweet reminder of what a kind, patient and nurturing man I married. When little Jon stays with us, I usually put him down for the evening. Dean will do it at times, but it takes him forever to get through the process, and it takes me so much less time that it makes sense for me to do it. My approach is not hardline by any means, but when I start singing Little Jon his lullaby, he knows that means he has to go to sleep. There is never a reprieve beyond that point. Pawpaw on the other hand, will allow some talking and playing all through the process of going to sleep. I have often gotten a little frustrated while listening to Dean put him down on the monitor, because I would hear them talking and playing when I thought Dean should be putting him down a little more, um...efficiently. Last night, however, I got to watch Dean's process and I have to say, I would have loved to have been coaxed to sleep like that as a child. Last night started with Dean finding little Jon's plug (pacifier). Then Pawpaw gets comfy with a few books by his side, and invites little Jon up on his lap. Pawpaw picks up the first book, and little Jon starts to push it away. Pawpaw goes now, now, we are going to read this one first and launches into Dr. Suess's Left Foot, Right Foot tale. Little Jon forgets immediately that he didn't want to read this book because PawPaw is squeezing and wiggling the appropriate foot as he reads "left foot, left foot, left foot, right". After that book they moved onto Red Fish Blue Fish. When our kids were little, I realized early on Dean was much better at reading to children than I. When I would read to our children, I would be thinking of the dishes and other chores waiting for me before I could go to bed. My goal was to get through the book and get the kids in bed rather than to luxuriate in the moment. Dean would sometimes be reluctant to stop what he was doing to read to them, but once he committed to read to them, it was like 3 children enjoying the book together. He used so many wonderful inflections, and even though he read Yertle the Turtle a million times, each time he read it, he was just as involved as the last time. So, reading to our children became his job, while I tidied up and attended to other matters in the house. It was a good time for him and our children to bond. I know my kids still remember those times with their dad fondly. All these years later, with our grandchildren, he is if anything, more animated, and more interactive in the reading process. I watched as he pointed to pictures on the page, watched as little Jon looked up into his Pawpaw's face to share his delight at something he found funny, the gentle way Dean handled such issues as attempted page skipping.... and my heart was just full of love for this man and the little boy on his lap. The original plan was for Pawpaw to read, and then I was going to take the baby and put him down. This was a departure from the usual. Usually the one that starts putting him to bed sees the job through to completion. But I had a sore throat and thought it would be a good idea to split the responsibility. I had forgotten how much toddlers object to surprises. Since Pawpaw was the one that read to him, he fully expected Pawpaw to be the one to rock him and sing to him before bed. When Pawpaw turned him over to me, he acted like he was being thrown to the lions. As Pawpaw walked out of the room, he screamed Pawpaw in a heartrending toddler lisp. At first I was going to power through it, but he seemed so genuinely torn up that I carried him to the work room so we could say hi to Pawpaw. As the door opened, the little boy stared at the man. I explained the situation and although Pawpaw looked a little put out at first (middle aged men don't generally like surprises either), he got up and came to the door. LIttle Jon sat in my arms, just waiting. I asked him, would you like to go to Pawpaw? His face broke into a relieved and happy smile. Our idea was that Pawpaw would calm him down, and I would still be the one to put him to bed. So, Pawpaw carried him into the living room and sat on the couch. I sat on the loveseat where I could be available to take the baby when needed. As soon as Pawpaw sat down, Little Jon cuddled up to him and laid his head on Pawpaw's shoulder, still sniffling once and a while, but otherwise content. Pawpaw kept whispering to him, It's ok little buddy, Pawpaw's got you. Soon there were no more snuffles. Little Jon was still awake, laying quietly on Pawpaw's shoulder. Pawpaw started gently and softly singing Adelweiss to him and within 5 minutes he was drowsy enough to lay down without complaint.. Later that night, when little Jon woke up for a diaper change, he was upset again. I am guessing it was residual from being upset right before going to bed. He let me change his diaper but was not happy about it. He asked for Pawpaw, so I took him to Pawpaw. Little Jon asked for milk, so I went and got him some. By the time he finished it, he was wide awake. Happy and wide awake at 2 in the morning. Pawpaw took him and tucked him kind of curled up and all cuddly into the crook of his arm and started settling him back down. Little Jon would point at a shoe and say who? Pawpaw would say yes, shoe, followed by ight? Yes, light, This type of conversation went on for a good 20 minutes or so, always gentle, always kind. There was some playing, funny noises made, etc., all gentle, all muted. Dean never said as I often do, now it's time to go to sleep, he just stayed very mellow, very low key and the baby followed suit. There were a few "Pawpaw loves his little buddy" etc., and finally, about an hour after this process started, little Jon was just laying quietly in pawpaw's arms. Still awake, but quiet. After another 5 minutes or so of quiet, PawPaw started singing Adelweiss again. Pawpaw had never sung this as a lullaby to our children, it is something he started with Little Jon, but it is beautiful as a lullaby. 10 more minutes or so, and Little Jon had drifted to sleep. I must say here that there were a few moments early on that I almost spoke up to encourage Dean to tell the baby to be still. I am so glad I did not. It was a beautiful thing to watch. When we were raising our own, Dean was often impatient with bedtime (other than the reading part). There were even times when he delivered a spanking to our children to try and keep them in bed and/or to try and get them to go to sleep. As a young parent, he was stressed and unsure, he does not cope with the unknown well, and parenthood is all about the unknown. I was well prepared for parenthood, but not for being a wife. I often fought with him over his ideas of childrearing, and his idea of how families interacted. It never occurred to me that there were more productive ways to deal with our differences than fighting. In our children's later years, we attended a parenting class that helped us both understand the other, and to begin to work as a team. But when we were young, it never occured to us to get help in this area. I think that is a side effect of being young. We both thought it should all just come naturally. Now our children are grown, sweet people who honor their parents, and who married spouses who also honor their parents and us. What a wonderful gift of love these children have been to us. Now we get to experience a new kind of parenting, once removed, as grandparents, and I think both of us are well aware of the mistakes we made in the past with our little ones. The patience Dean shows with Little Jon reminds me of a few sweet snapshots of time in the past. A time before we both became overstressed by life, when he would sit and rock our son till they both fell asleep. In that way it is a little bittersweet. It also reminds me of how far we both have come from the people we used to be and how merciful God has been in the blessings he has bestowed. Most of all, I feel blessed to have this sweet gentle soul as my partner in life. It is not what I thought I wanted when I was young, but it was all I ever needed and his presence in my life is one of the greatest gifts that God has given me.